Just another wedding-haunted girl

 

Now I am facing the same problem that any girl of my age has to face. These days, all the conversations I have with my Mom end up in just one topic…. Marriage. I tell her, ‘Amma I feel like travelling a bit', to which comes her instant reply, 'Get married and go'. ‘Amma I want to get a new two wheeler’ - ‘Get married and ask your husband. He will gift you one’. Even if I tell my mom that I feel like eating something spicy, ‘GET MARRIED!’ will be her answer. So these days I’ve stopped the citation of my wish list to dear Mom. Unlike other typical Malayali moms, my mom is a person who is kind of okay with my male friends and my hanging out with them. She has given me enough freedom that a girl craves for. So ultimately I don’t want her hurt over a trivial (for me) issue like marriage. My mom is okay with me taking a 2-3 years more to get married. But relatives continue to be her real issue. So there are these aunties who ask her, ‘your daughter is 25 now, why isn’t she married?” or “is she dating somebody of some other caste/religion?” (This, a snide pull on the photographs of male friends and colleagues in my Facebook account) and then, there are some aunties who think that I may have some serious illness (can be physical or psychological). Some think I may be lesbian. And according to the research results of some brilliant relatives of mine, my weight and hair length are the only reasons why my marriage is getting delayed (I am not 100kg or something - I am 61kg and I can tie a pretty decent pony tail with my hair).

 
And there are some who quote the gold price rise, high infertility rate and the difficulty to find a groom for a brat like me. So in order to satisfy the cribbing of these folk of hers, my mom wants me indulge in some official bride-seeing ceremonies. So during my weekends, I have to shuttle between my current city and my home town. From Saturday morning till Sunday evening there will be a flow (bit exaggerated) of grooms and their assorted folks to my home.

 
An encounter with the groom will begin when I, clad in a sari or a very conservative salwar (Western outfits are strictly prohibited), appear in front of them with a tray full of coffee or tea cups or some soft drinks, accompanied by mom or sister with another tray full of confectioneries. I throw a smile (a narrow one) at all present, and stand there for 5 minutes (within this time the ones present would have scanned me and would have measured by height, weight, the length of my hair, etc).. Then I dutifully walk back in to the kitchen like I have no say in the proceedings to the first step of my marriage. In another 10-15 minutes Dad comes in and tells me that he will send in the guy, so that both of us can have a private conversation. I nod my head like the most obedient daughter ever born.

Once the guy is inside the room, there begins the interview session. Most of the questions are very simple, like my name (though they know it, they want to hear it from my mouth), current job, nature of job, my future plans and so on…. I also repeat the same questions to them. After a 10-minute interview session, the guy goes back to his old seat outside near his mommy and in another 5 minutes they leave with a copy of my horoscope (My dad has a separate file for the Photostat copies of my horoscope). In an average weekend, I attend at least 4 sessions like this.

In a few hours arrive the phone calls of my mom’s well-wishers. They want to know how the groom looked, how his mom looked, their car model, my attire, my attitude – it goes on and on and on.

Of late I’ve stopped attending all the functions that happens in my family, be it marriage, death, birthday, engagement, anything. It is not because I don’t want to attend any of these, but because I have to face the same question from all the aunts and uncles present – ‘When are you going to get married?

 

To all aunties, uncles, and well-wishers of mine and my parents:

 I clearly know that according to the societal rules in Kerala, it’s high time that I got married. Yeah I am 25 and still single. It is not because I have a boyfriend, it is not because I am a journalist, it is not because I’m overweight, and my hair length has nothing to do with my marriage. Marriage is not a child’s play. It requires a certain amount of maturity. Once I enter the institution of marriage, I will be forced to handle a lot of things apart from my own problems and internal conflicts. I will have to handle my partner, his family, my family, his friends, my friends. I am at a stage where I cannot even properly handle myself, so asking me to take up this entire burden is seriously not fair. Once I’m sure about all these things, I will surely get married, and trust me, it won’t take more than 5 years. Therefore until then, PEACE OUT.